Thursday, May 6, 2010

Remarks by Vice President Biden to the European Parliament

Joe Biden addressed the European Parliament on May 6, 2010. In his speech, Biden referred to Europe as America’s “most important ally” and said that “a vibrant European Union” was “absolutely essential to American prosperity and long-term security.”

“We strongly support what you are about here,” said Biden.

Biden said the relationship between America and Europe was as strong as it has ever been. BAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHA!!! Sorry. Sometimes I just can’t contain myself.

Biden blabbed about how America and Europe were bound together by their common heritage and certain shared values like the “right to be let alone,” the right to privacy, and the right to personal dignity. His words seem pretty ironic given what my government has been doing to me. Did I mention that the defining characteristic of the West is hypocrisy?

Not one to stop at the point of complete ridiculousness, from there Biden decided to go into full-on nutty mode and claimed that, even with our so-called shared values and common heritage, “global interests alone would inexorably bind us together.”

BAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHA!!! Whoops, I did it again.

According to Biden, in the 21st century, the West would face “new challenges no less dangerous than those that came before in the 20th century.” In other words, Europe and America needed each other now more than ever. Biden said that America and Europe would deal with those challenges together.

“We are honored and grateful to be by your side in the struggles yet to come,” said Biden.

As America needed strong allies to deal with these challenges, Biden offered his support for the idea that Europe would take on more responsibility under the Lisbon Treaty. Too bad Europe didn’t offer its support for that idea.

Biden cited global warming, Iran, Afghanistan, Pakistan, the Taliban, and Al Qaeda as some of the challenges that Europe and America would face.

To deal with Iran, Biden noted that America has deployed a missile defense system in Europe. The European Parliament applauded after Biden said that. Of course, missile defense doesn’t work, but I’m sure Europe will applaud every time America does something that damages its relationship with Russia. Aren’t allies great?

Biden believed America and Europe could meet the challenges of the 21st century “if we talk and listen to one another, if we are honest with one another.” For our part, America would listen to its allies, at least according to Biden. BAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHA!!! Whoops, again. Sorry.

In fairness to Biden, he did decide to say a few honest things in his speech.

“We have disagreed before,” said Biden. “We will surely disagree again.”

He also said that “much has changed since 1985” and that “a terrible beauty has been born.”

I am willing to bet that Biden was referring to the rise of East Asia when he said this. Apparently, with the relationship between Japan and America on the rocks, Biden felt this was a good time to try and unite with Europe to take on East Asia.

Whoops.

This strategy did not work out so well. Why America would join forces with Europe in a “white’s only club” when the percentage of white people in the world is sinking like a stone, when Europe is mired in a debt crisis and stagnation, and when East Asia is on its way up is beyond me.

Whoops.

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